I spent much of the last week at the Blissdom Conference in Nashville. I learned what most of the pictures and letters mean on my new Nikon D3100 camera, thanks to Mishelle who was able to teach me how to use my camera. This isn’t a post about me and my new-found photography skilz, but I had to tell you this because the photo at the top was actually taken by me. I think it’s pretty darn creative! Don’t expect that much awesome all the time. I’m just learning.
What this post really is about is all the things I didn’t see at Blissdom. When you spend 3 or so days with anything more than about 15 women you start to doubt yourself and find all the flaws. And by ‘you’ I really mean me, but it sounds better to talk about myself in the collective and makes me feel like I’m not the only one who does this. Anyway, you start to pick yourself apart and that little voice inside your head starts to get louder and louder.
This was my second Blissdom conference. I knew it would be a convergence of women bloggers who were beautiful, tall, thin, perfectly coiffed, confident, funny, smart, sweet, kind, fashionable, have good hair, white teeth, great clothes, a zillion twitter followers, fancy cards, cute shoes, and so much more. I also knew I probably wasn’t going to be ‘the awesome’ I pretend to be while typing away on my fancy MAC (which really isn’t fancy when compared to the really fancy ones I saw at Blissdom).
Why would I write about what I didn’t see? Because if I didn’t see it, chance are others didn’t either. And that means that you don’t have to fret and wonder and engage in self flagellation and negative self-talk. It mean you don’t have to feel apologetic or say I’m sorry either.
I didn’t see you were worried about a million other things in your life.
I didn’t see you didn’t have the time or money to get your hair cut or colored.
I didn’t see that the dress you were wearing has been in your closet for ages.
I didn’t see you dying on the inside because you were nervous.
I didn’t see your shoes were new or old.
I didn’t see your top had stains from baby spit up on it.
I didn’t see your camera was fancy.
I didn’t see your earrings were the same ones you wear every day.
I didn’t see that your camera was 10 years old.
I didn’t see you were so anxious about meeting people that you really wanted to crawl under the table and hide.
I didn’t see that you just got your business cards made because you totally spaced you’d need some.
I didn’t see that you gained a few pounds.
I didn’t see your nail polish was smudged or chipping.
I didn’t see your fear that someone will find out your husband lost his job.
I didn’t see that your teenager is struggling with drugs and you’re scared.
I didn’t see your every waking moment is spent worrying about ____________ .
I didn’t see you skipped going to the gym that day.
I didn’t see you’ve spent the last months/years in therapy.
I didn’t see your laptop was 2 years old.
I didn’t see you really should have done the laundry last week.
I didn’t see your photos weren’t perfect.
I didn’t see the imperfect skin.
And for that matter, I didn’t see you just spent $500 to get perfect skin.
I didn’t see that you write in incomplete sentences, have horrible grammar or can’t spell.
I didn’t see that you believed you didn’t belong here.
I didn’t see your gray hair, your wrinkles, your fat, your scars.
I didn’t see your flaws or your faults.
I saw you. I saw your beautiful smile. I saw your eyes, filled with joy and excitement. I saw your heart, full of love for all the friends you met and were going to meet.
I just saw you. I loved you the moment we met.
And I hope you just saw me, too.