February 24, 2011

I’m Not A Doctor But I Go To The Google School of Medicine


Medical Symbol


The Doctor is IN.

Sure, when BabyGirl gets sick I give her some medicine. Coughing? I got some syrup for that. Itchy, watery eyes? Allergies. Got some whatever-a-drine right here. Thanks to all these weekly deals at CVS and Walgreens, I’m a veritable pharmacy. But when it comes to taking care of me, that’s a completely different story.

I don’t take regular medication. I don’t like it. I don’t like how it makes me feel. And while I’m not all crunchy and granola, I’ve mentioned before that I see a homeopathic doctor. I’ve actually seen her for some time. I saw her back in the mid 1990s and then I got ‘better’ and moved and when I came back she wasn’t practicing any longer because she was teaching.

Fast forward to last year and I’m feeling like crap and attending the Google School of Medicine. I’m about half way through my clinicals at this point. And I’ve diagnosed myself with all kinds of things that, apparently, are not as common as Professor Search Engine would make one believe them to be. For a short period of time I thought I may be having a heart attack. And while common, they’re really not as common in a 40 year old woman capable of surfing the interwebz as I was led to believe. I thought I had ALS, but that was quashed by Professor WebMD after a not-so comprehensive search and symptom matching.

But GSM (that’s Google School of Medicine) isn’t all that knowledgeable about homeopathy. Other than it seems to be practiced by freaky shaman-y people who live in yurts. Being neither freaky nor shaman-y and definitely not a yurt-dweller, I kept up my discussions with Professor Search Engine until I figured out what was wrong with me. I have anxiety and symptoms of depression, but am not clinically depressed. Although, if I did go see a traditional medicine doctor who would gladly charge me whatever my maximum deductible is I’m sure he (because I’d probably see a guy) would give me some of the newest and most fangled anti-depression medication on the market. And I’m sure it would make the depression go away, or at least make me think it went away because I no longer would have symptoms of depression but, instead, would just overall feel like singing kumbaya all day.

So, rather than that, I put on a stethoscope and append MD to my name and start working on making me feel better. Sure, my homeopath has prescribed a remedy. And it was working great. Then I decided I was smart and I could do this. Except I know nothing about homeopathy. No, that’s not true. Everything I know about homeopathy I learned at the Google School of Medicine. I’m scary smart!

Which is why for the past several weeks I’ve been in a major funk and have felt like crap (which is a technical medical term). Evidently, I have missed a few pages of Professor Search Engine’s expertise. Did you know that taking your homeopathic remedy beyond it’s designated time can make you feel like the opposite of awesome? Yes, yes it can. So that remedy I take to make me feel better is actually not only not working but in fact working against me. ACK! This was not part of my learning at the Google School of Medicine.

And because I figured that if I did not make an appointment to see my homeopath ASAP I would end up living a life more closely resembling that of Howard Hughes, I asked for an emergency appointment and got in immediately. Fortunately she did not laugh at me. Nor did she scold me. Instead, I believe she revoked my license to practice medicine on myself. Good thing I am still enrolled at the Google School of Medicine! My new remedy is on it’s way. It’s got some fancy name, but I just like to refer to it as Crappyness B-Gone.

I focus on my studies and don’t see you around school, but I’m sure some of you are students at the Google School of Medicine or have attended Professor Search Engine’s classes. Right?



AdrienneMay February 24, 2011 at 8:37 am

haha I have been to the google school of medicine for my 1st and 2nd medical degrees… sometimes it sure is nice to make my medical issues someone elses problems though, isn’t it?

Becca -Our Crazy Boys February 25, 2011 at 9:11 pm

Just tonight I was talking to a friend who said that she would never return to a doctor that our family loves. Why? He told her to learn more about IBS (what he diagnosed her with) by googling it.
Because I know the doctor, I’m sure that my friend may have been taken aback by what he thought was telling her to do something she was already going to do. Either way, I thought it as interesting that I read this tonight 🙂

Jane March 4, 2014 at 11:04 am

I was taken a back when I too was told by a doctor to google my problem. In addition to that, when I asked him for a pen (to write down what he was saying), he told me to use my smartphone because “you don’t need a pen. Technology can do it all for you”. And btw, he was using an Ipad to jot down his notes. So now I try to go the homeopathic route and keep my body healthy so I don’t have to go to a doctor to be told to just “google it”. Crazy~

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