November 8, 2011

Milestones and Missing My Mom

by

 

My mom, my uncle, my Bubbie and Zadie circa 1955

Yesterday marked the 20th anniversary of my mother’s death. What’s usually a very somber day for me went by without much thought. And that is both a triumph and disturbing to me at the same time. A triumph because that means that time really does heal the heart, but disturbing because every day I miss my mother and this milestone day went by without my taking extra time for her remembrance.

To be honest, I have it in my head that her anniversary is the 25th this year. See, on the Jewish calendar the day is always the same but date on the secular calendar that matches the Jewish calendar date is not always the same. I know, it’s kind of weird. It’s the same reason Hanukkah is sometimes around Thanksgiving and other years (like this year) around Christmas. But, I got a letter from the synagogue reminding me that my mom’s yahrzeit (Yiddish for anniversary, but only used with reference to the anniversary of a death) will be November 25th. I was so glad to know that because I had thought it would be on the 11th and I’d be at Disney World (although, I’m sure my mom would approve of being remembered while at Disney World). So, I pushed it to the post-Disney part of my brain.

But November 6th came and nearly went, without me breaking down because I miss my mom. The day was not the sad reminder that she’s been gone almost half my life. Instead, my thoughts of her were of the joys I had as a child and young adult and how she’d be so proud of me. And as I closed my eyes to go to sleep it was then I realized that soon I will have lived more than half my life without her.

I belong to the sorority of motherless-daughters. I wish I didn’t. But I am grateful to have had the 21 years with the amazing woman who was my mother.

Sara

{ 7 comments }

shifra November 8, 2011 at 7:19 am

my heart aches for you and at the same time swells with pride at all of the amazing things you learned from you dear mother. you do such a great job as a mom, wife, and friend to the world. clearly your mom’s influence is with you today. love and hugs to you, dear sara! can’t wait to see you and give you a hug in person!

Sara November 8, 2011 at 2:04 pm

Thank you, Shifra. My mom was a pretty amazing woman and she did teach me a lot about how to be friend.

Sara

Nancy November 8, 2011 at 11:42 am

Hugs Sara…..from another motherless daughter who truly understands…..

Sara November 8, 2011 at 2:05 pm

Thanks, Nancy. I know I’m among a number of terrific women in this motherless-daughter sisterhood. If only we weren’t.

Kate @ Songs Kate Sang November 8, 2011 at 1:27 pm

Dearest Sara, I am so sorry. I am very happy for you that your memories are blooming into a lovely garden without thorns.

Sara November 8, 2011 at 2:07 pm

Kate, what a beautiful sentiment. You are absolutely right that the memories are blooming into a lovely garden without thorns. I’ve often wondered why it’s taking so long but it must take longer to grow without thorns.

Thank you,
Sara

rhonda November 8, 2011 at 10:05 pm

For the last 20 yrs our mothers have been together, watching us and commenting like crazy. You know there have been many laughs, some tears and gladness to share things together. And why? Because two little girls wanted pen pals. : )

I think of her often and wonder her thoughts on things, wish we ALL would have had more time together but most of all—-grateful for the amazing daughter she raised.

I love you.

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