July 1, 2011

Sometimes It’s Not Our Story To Tell


Rainbow Hand Image (C) 2011 Sara Hawkins All Rights Reserved

The other day I was talking to a fellow blogger and our conversation turned to our kids. She’s not only a blogging friend, but she’s an In Real Life friend too. And she reads my blog, too. *waves*

She mentioned she’s been busy with her kids and that it’s been a rough few months. She asked how I was doing, given that some of my posts have alluded to my own anxiety and challenges. Of course I gave her the “I’m doing fine!” line. And, really, I am. Despite these challenges, I keep working to move forward and live in a positive way.

While I’ve shared with a few people what is at the core of my inability to just let go, it is but a hand full of people. Only problem is that one of those people has taken it upon herself to share my story. Yes, there is someone out there who at one point in time claimed to be my friend and now feels the need to somehow ‘out’ me. And the worst part of it is that it’s not just my story.

I don’t mind sharing about me. This is my space and I’m comfortable letting you all in to my heart and my life. What I’m not comfortable with is talking about BabyGirl or CycleGuy. Yes, I know many of you know their real names and have met them or are even friends in real life. I’m totally cool with that. But even then there are things I may not have shared with you. And the only reason I haven’t shared is because it’s not fully my story to share and it’s not fair to CycleGuy and BabyGirl.

And while this person decides to tell my family’s story in an effort to make me mad or engage in her drama. I don’t do drama. What bothers me most is that the person who it is really about, BabyGirl, can’t do anything. Of course I don’t tell BabyGirl anything about this. But here’s the thing, I’m not embarrassed by the trauma my family has been subjected to. I don’t even use the word victim because that would somehow imply that the perp has power over us. He didn’t and neither does this frenemie.

Unlike other blogs that talk openly about anything and everything involving their children, I don’t do that here. I have been approached to write our story for another site. I’ve been contemplating that for over 6 months and I’m now thinking I might just do that. And the reason I would do it is because there is someone else to moderate the comments so I don’t have to ever see the haters. Also it will offer a level of protection for BabyGirl and allow me to tell the truth rather than someone making up things to suit her fancy.

If it was my story, I’d put it out there. To help heal my heart and my soul. But BabyGirl has years to go and this will not be an albatross or a scarlet letter. I don’t ever want her to feel she’s defined by another person’s choice to make her life public. I’ve fought to keep everything sealed and private. She didn’t ask to be thrust into a grown-up world and I refuse to allow anyone to take away her childhood or her future.

I’m sure I’m not alone in having to deal with the frenemie situation. How have you dealt with it? Should I give her my best Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the head or go for the look of disappointment over the sunglasses like Horatio Caine from CSI: Miami?



Brenna @ Almost All The Truth July 1, 2011 at 10:44 am

Oh wow, I have no idea how I would handle something like that. I doubt I would handle it well. It is one thing for someone to try to tell your story, and quite another when it is about your child. I just wonder why people feel compelled to behave in this appalling manner, especially when it is a person who used to be a friend. What did she have to gain by doing this?

V Demetros July 1, 2011 at 1:01 pm

Have you confronted this person outright? I’m a very upfront person and I think my first action would be to talk directly to this person. You’ll know by the reaction you get whether you need to put on your Chuck Norris shoes or not. So sorry this is happening, it sounds quite distressing.

Rhonda July 1, 2011 at 1:35 pm

not fair not fair. i’d be happy to kick some verbal butt for ya. i’m pretty good at that. if nothing else, my volunteer position has helped me learn that. know i’m thinking of you all and wishing i could wave that magic wand.
big hugs.

angrytohearthis July 1, 2011 at 2:08 pm

After readin this Im sensing that something horrible happened to ur child. My paranoid overprotecting mother instinct goes to the worse possible scenario that I dont want to say out loud.
If thats the case First, I have to say. I hope you learned NOT to EVER trust anyone! I dont care how close or even blood relative they are. When u dont want anyone to know ur deepest secrets u just talk to God about them
Second, if this is about ur child and this big mouth is talkin too much. Then I would do this. Face to face, no beatin around the bush.
Tell her she betta keep ur FKn mouth shut and if she doesnt she will be beatin till she cant breath anymore! Thats it. Nobody would mess with my kid like that.

Kate @ songs Kate sang July 1, 2011 at 3:44 pm

dearest Sara

I am so sorry. this too shall pass sounds so trite, but I want you to know that you are beautiful and loved…

Lisa July 2, 2011 at 12:01 am

I say direct confrontation is best. Not sure the context of the outing but my legal mind says you could threaten legal action – restraining order? Tort of public disclosure of private facts? At the very least you need to clearly express your disappointment/anger and cut this person out if your life. I do have had to learn the hard way that some people can’t be trusted. Love you and sending you big hugs.

Li July 7, 2011 at 9:44 am

You make total sense and the privacy you asked for is NOT unreasonable. Their lives are their stories as much as it is part of your story. You have every right to guard whatever history your family has and NO ONE has the right to share that, REGARDLESS of whether they were entrusted with the information. I’d confront the frenemie.

And yes, I’ve had frenemies. They’re always around, but I don’t pay them any mind. They can say what they wana say, but if they mess with my family… hmph, watch out.

Frenemie is acting a fool – let him/her have it. I got your back.


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