June 22, 2010

When You Can’t Sleep, You Blog This Stuff


I’m up late, being unable to fall asleep.  I feel completely awake one minute but then my eyes get heavy.  So I get up and head to bed.  Except now I feel awake again.  I hate this! Hate it, hate it, hate it.  I know I will pay for being up so late.  Six o’clock will roll around much too early, especially with less than 4 hours of sleep.

I will have to drag myself out of bed and start my day.  I can’t disappoint my dear only child.  She wants to go to swim practice.  And, in the ‘big city’ it is frowned up for a 7 year old to drive.  OK, it’s late. And I do realize that in all but the most 4th world of countries where they don’t even have cars that a 7 year old shouldn’t be driving.  So, I must drive her.  And do so safely.

But once I get out in the heat I’ll be blasted awake and the sun will get that Vitamin D flowing and I’ll be on my way.  It’s about 2pm that I dread.  When my brain begins to reject the need for my eyes to be open and focused.  And when I’m going to try and summon all those learning moment of how to smile and focus on the moment rather than on how tired I feel.  And how much I’d rather take a nap.  Only that will lead to more of these late nights.  Did I mention I no likey this?  Oh right, just up a couple a few lines above where I kept saying I hate this.  Yep, sure do.

So why can’t I sleep?  Part of it is a psychological problem I have that dates back to when CycleGuy and I were dating.  He’d travel and I’d stay up.  Not sure why, but I did.  But it’s continued.  Twenty some years later and I’m still up at 2am. At least these days I’m not out trying to teach myself how to drive a stick shift in the middle of the night. Been there!  But, seriously, there is no one on the road and I taught myself pretty well.

I’ve told myself for years that I need to figure this out and make some rules for myself, but I’m pretty good at ignoring myself.  You don’t always listen to yourself, do you?  Well, if you do then either don’t tell me or I’ll hate you for being better at it than I am or you can lie to me and make me feel better because I’m talking to myself at 2am and not listening to what I have to say.

This time, though, I need to figure this out.  Now that CycleGuy will be living in the Bay Area, I can’t be staying up all hours of the night.  It’s ridiculous. And I’m just too old for this nonsense now.  I’m ’40-something’, remember?  Besides, I have a child to tend to and parent.  And as much as I figured out how to raise myself, it’s not something BabyGirl needs to do.  And I’m not sick or unable, I’m just a foolish woman who can’t turn off the computer and just stop and go to bed.

As if the world will pass me by if I shut the computer.  Maybe it will.  But better the world pass me by than me not seeing my daughter enjoying the world.  So enough of my crazy babble.  Goodnight.  Uh, I mean Good Morning!


{ 1 comment }

Honey June 22, 2010 at 8:16 am

Hi Sara,

I am sorry you couldn’t sleep. When Jonah worked nights, it took me a long time to learn to fall asleep while he was not home.

That is the wonderful thing about blogs. The cyber world is always there to listen (even if you blog at 2am). Some of my best posts have been written at 2am, but you would never know it because I reset the time.


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